Your best friend will not even tell you the truth about the symptoms of pregnancy. They only talk to you about morning sickness, mood swings and back pain. Like words could ever disturb this blesses condition. So all of them pretend how amazing it is to be pregnant and they play the super mommy from day one.
If pregnancy is not an illness, why do we treat obese people and alcoholics like they have an illness? Their illnesses are also temporary, and their physiological changes are to a point reversible. You should be able to tell them: you’ve got what you’ve asked for. No one forced them to eat and drink. How come they are allowed to have a bad day, depression, look bad and smell bad? A pregnant woman must stay on her best behaviour. I am writing this article as a warning for all those women that have not allowed anybody to inflate them like a balloon yet. Let’s face it, life is not a fairytale.
Hormones took over gray matter. They are gone. Physically you cannot feel them. Your once good memory fails. Writing on pages does not help, at all. Embarrassment and panic overwhelms you completely. How can you not remember simple English verbs or constantly looking for your mobile phone, your keys or your leap card? These memory problems are really irritating. Every day the same thing happens, even to the point that you get disoriented and restricted from everyday actions.
When I walk the dog I am always wondering why he always pees on every single bush instead of just letting it all out on one particular bush. I understand that he is marking his territory by leaving his scent everywhere. When it comes to animals, some of their scents are suppose to be encouraging and some repelling to other animals. The scent given off by a pregnant female is supposed to repel a male that is trying to approach her. Using scent she is saying that he should stay away. I think humans and animals have a lot in common. Evolution did not remove this drawback.
During the first few months you will get an unpleasant surprise, when your belly is still quite small but for some reason your bladder is constantly being squeezed. Coming up to the end of the pregnancy everything is much more predictable. Running to the toilet every two hours makes you draw charts and diagrams to plan your day well. There is no mercy. Water intake must reach 3 litres each day and on top of that you must eat all these juicy fruits that really make you want to go to the toilet. The uncomfortable box toilet on the plane or in the car, it does not matter. Any sudden attempt to stand up makes you loosen the valve. You will find yourself running to the toilet in a panic to see what you have done.
Hippo walking about the line
You will look at your body with horror. You start to resemble a formless mass from which a protruding belly emerges. Your movements will become slower. Your walk will start to resemble a duck or maybe a sailor on a boat, however I think that 10 is already on the Beaufort scale. High hills? Only for the brave ones. I remember when Anna Mucha (a polish actress) was jumping on stage wearing 14 cm high hills while being in an advanced stage of pregnancy. Today I see it as an actual acrobatic performance. Usually bending down to put on my shoes or socks is a form of gymnastics for me. You must bend down according to the safety rules at work. While bending down you must spread your legs apart and place your belly in between your legs. Try not to moan or make any other kind of noises while doing that. Yes I know it is hard, especially when you want to get out of bed. The weight is overwhelming and your back refuses because of the pain. The only comfort is in the bedroom where you can always count on your partner’s help. It is much worse if you are waiting in line at the shop and you are curling up from the pain like a wrestler that just got kicked on the side by his baby, while waving two balloons which are now your breasts and they feel trapped. You probably forgot what it feels like to wear sexy lacy lingerie.
Contractions from hell
It is a sunny morning, you are lying in bed and waiting for breakfast that husband is about to bring for you, you can enjoy yourself and stretch, ouucchhh! Forget about it! The only thing you can count on is breakfast, not the stretching. Every time you try to stretch a horrible contraction awaits you. There is nothing you can do. Proper diet, multivitamins, warm fluffy socks and massages will not save you from the horrible contractions you get while you are pregnant.
Mona Lisa’s smile
Take a look at your beautiful white teeth in the mirror. Look closely, because this may just be the last time you see them. Carrying a baby will such the life out of you. Your teeth will decay and brushing them is not an option, each time you try to brush your teeth your gums will bleed and the horrible after taste never goes away. You can of course take precautions. A softer tooth brush, mouthwash and a gentler circular brushing technique are all necessary. The first time might not be too pleasant but it is something you have got to do.
You can drink hectolitres of water and eat tones of fruit but constipation will find you. The constipation that you are use to having is a piece of cake compared to this. Now everything gets bigger and this often can lead to haemorrhoids. When I was a teenager my much older friend got pregnant and all of us where intrigued and wanted to know everything about the experience of birth, she said it was like having a big poop so ladies do not worry our bodies are designed to give birth and take it like a form of training. And let’s face it training does involve sweating, gasping for air and having a red face.
Mood swings, of course women get them. This usually happens when we are watching a romantic movie. Few tears may run down our cheek, then we laugh and we cry again. This can be described as mood swings. When a woman is pregnant, things that may have slightly irritated her in the past can now lead to uncontrollable emotional outbursts. This can only be compared to a tsunami. These mood swings destroy everything in their path and usually end in crocodile tears. If everyone is familiar with postpartum depression, how come no one talks about depression during pregnancy? Women are not pretending, they know exactly how they are feeling. Even a happy woman during her pregnancy can be over powered by an enormous blanket of emotions thrown over her during this delicate period of time. But how can you say that you are depressed or unhappy during your pregnancy? Everyone that sees you expects you to be happy.
Sex during pregnancy
I read so much about hormones that you get during pregnancy that are suppose to make your libido jump, horny women waiting for their men to take over and bring them to multiple orgasms. The large blood supply brought to the sex organs during pregnancy is supposed to bring pleasure much faster to other parts of the body. They did not say anything about the mental blockage that a pregnant woman may experience when it comes to sex, caused by the need to protect her unborn child. Subconscious fear about miscarriage, getting sick or the fear that sex may cause discomfort for her child. Teenagers without any experience are no longer frightened of getting pregnant and unblock their mental blockage, allowing them to have some fun since they are already pregnant and they no longer have to worry about getting pregnant since it has already happened. Mature pregnant women have much stronger maternal instinct and concentrate more on their motherhood.
They are much more conscious from the get go. The ticking biological clock and the restricted amount of potential eggs that are ready to be fertilised create an extra layer of protection for the child. Even intense arousal and happiness that is derived from sex is restricting the ability to have an orgasm.
Pregnant women feel unattractive. What is the bigger problem though, is it the round belly or the intense physiological aspects of this condition?